I am finding myself more emotional as our time here draws to an end. I am all kinds of feelings. This last Thrusday I started to cry because I was struck by all the amazing young people we were around and how much I would miss them. I know it surprised them but after I explained my emotionalism they understood. I think.
With all theses feelings I was surprised by a question that crept up. Did any of it matter? We have poured into many people here and I feel like those relationships have now changed. Depressing. We have tried to follow up and maintain a friendship, but it seems like a lost cause. Busi-ness is the most common explanation. And I totally take responsibility of those friendships too. I had times when I didn’t give to those around me and let it dry up.
I can’t but feel left out. Feeling left out of their life. Invisible. I know this is exactly what being a missionary will be like oversees but it doesn’t make the feelings go away. Feeling them here is just as painful as it will be anywhere….just verbally throwing up on you…you poor unexpected reader. Like most people, not just missionaries, I would like to know if what I gave people meant anything. Feeling loved and appreciated is normal but showing others you love them is not common. Sad.
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