This was my epiphany. While I was in the kitchen trying to do too many things at once.

See, ever since we came home from Poland (Sunday) I have been on some crazy cleaning/unpacking/organizing mode. And for about 2 days now I’ve felt that Emma was just not listening or making good choices. It seemed like whatever she choice she made it was either disrespectful, full of attitude or down right obstinate. 

Mix that with a my attitude: impatient and short tempered. I felt like a horrible mom. I know the truth and all that but it didn’t change the way I felt. Like I was failing.

I felt guilty about how rude I was to her this morning- because she was inconveniencing me! How could she want her diaper off so early?! Didn’t she see I was still in bed?! (it gets worse- it was 7am. Not early at all.) Yay, negative points for me.

So as I was emptying food into our bare and empty kitchen, she was around my feet wanting me to watch her do something (for the 20th time in 2 min). I snapped at her. Bit her cute little head off. Bad attitude and disrespectful. Boo. 

Then I sat down on the rug (the one in front of the sink ), sighed and asked her to come over to me. She said, ‘What are you going to do to me?‘ 

OUCH.

I truthfully forced a smile out (when all I wanted to do was raise my hands and surrender) and reached out, pulling her into a hug. I told her I wanted to snuggle with her and that I loved her. I apologized, said I didn’t like my attitude these past few days and that I just wanted to be with her. 

So we sat. While the milk and other cheeses screamed to me that they needed the fridge. But we sat. Snuggled criss-cross applesauce on our little rug.

Me, mentally unwinding whatever thing that got strung too tight and praying my past attitude didn’t scar her or something and have this come out in therapy in 20 yrs. Emma on the other hand, was showing me how she was eating her apple. Just having a conversation-which I don’t think we’ve done since we’ve come home.

Since then I’ve tried to involve her in more things I have to do. Let’s set the table together, let’s do the laundry together, clean rooms (yuck!) and sweep together. Focusing on saying Yes more. 

I think I got my reward from her tonight. And it could have escaped my notice if I was in a rush. What was it? She asked me to sit with her in the bathroom while she took a bath. (Emma likes her alone time so this meant something)

Here’s hoping tomorrow is a better day. I will be biulding on what I learned today so I have nowhere to go but up…

but I wouldn’t mind any prayers for us.