by Alexis -

Just sit and do nothing

This was my epiphany. While I was in the kitchen trying to do too many things at once.

18372361144.jpg

See, ever since we came home from Poland (Sunday) I have been on some crazy cleaning/unpacking/organizing mode. And for about 2 days now I’ve felt that Emma was just not listening or making good choices. It seemed like whatever she choice she made it was either disrespectful, full of attitude or down right obstinate. 

Mix that with a my attitude: impatient and short tempered. I felt like a horrible mom. I know the truth and all that but it didn’t change the way I felt. Like I was failing.

I felt guilty about how rude I was to her this morning- because she was inconveniencing me! How could she want her diaper off so early?! Didn’t she see I was still in bed?! (it gets worse- it was 7am. Not early at all.) Yay, negative points for me.

So as I was emptying food into our bare and empty kitchen, she was around my feet wanting me to watch her do something (for the 20th time in 2 min). I snapped at her. Bit her cute little head off. Bad attitude and disrespectful. Boo. 

Then I sat down on the rug (the one in front of the sink ), sighed and asked her to come over to me. She said, ‘What are you going to do to me?‘ 

OUCH.

I truthfully forced a smile out (when all I wanted to do was raise my hands and surrender) and reached out, pulling her into a hug. I told her I wanted to snuggle with her and that I loved her. I apologized, said I didn’t like my attitude these past few days and that I just wanted to be with her. 

So we sat. While the milk and other cheeses screamed to me that they needed the fridge. But we sat. Snuggled criss-cross applesauce on our little rug.

Me, mentally unwinding whatever thing that got strung too tight and praying my past attitude didn’t scar her or something and have this come out in therapy in 20 yrs. Emma on the other hand, was showing me how she was eating her apple. Just having a conversation-which I don’t think we’ve done since we’ve come home.

Since then I’ve tried to involve her in more things I have to do. Let’s set the table together, let’s do the laundry together, clean rooms (yuck!) and sweep together. Focusing on saying Yes more. 

I think I got my reward from her tonight. And it could have escaped my notice if I was in a rush. What was it? She asked me to sit with her in the bathroom while she took a bath. (Emma likes her alone time so this meant something)

Here’s hoping tomorrow is a better day. I will be biulding on what I learned today so I have nowhere to go but up…

18270956932.jpg

but I wouldn’t mind any prayers for us. 🙂

by Alexis -

I need an attitude change

Since when did my sanity depend on nap time?! Oh yes, now I remember. That is the only time I can kinda call my own. Sure I have to do dishes, laundry, phone calls/emails, but I can decide to lounge on the couch and do nothing if I wanted. That choice, that beautiful choice is heavenly.

Where is all this coming from?

Emma took about a 30 min nap today. Which is not the end of the world. She’s missed naps entirely before…which is not OK for her or me. Couple that with her attitude today being more than it’s ever been and you get one mom who is so seriously looking forward to nap time.

I made one mistake however. One MAJOR mistake, and if you can learn from my mistake PLEASE do:

I told Emma that when she woke up, she would be able to paint the rocks she collected from a trail. Sound innocent enough right? Well after 30 (at the most) she yells at me, ‘MOMMY! I DID IT!’

*ugh

From that moment on she was sure she had completed her allotted nap time and it was now time to get her ‘creative on!’ Her… feisty attitude carried on through her words, actions and attitude which resulted in her taking ‘rest time’ in my bed and me taking a time out for myself. (totally acceptable)

So what am I doing about it all? Nothing. Eating lemon squares, drinking milk and electronically whining. I might even make some hot cocoa when I’m done.

*How am I writing all this? Emma’s finger painting the rocks and it’s blissfully silent. Bath time will ensue.

14552149546.jpg

*************************************************

Actually, now that I have MY grown up hat on, I’ve had time to breath and there’s no more lemon squares…. I must say that I have learned a couple valuable lesson:

1. Next time I will save any exciting news till after nap time.

2. In Blogland, I can start a post with my inner child complaining about parenting and then end by being the adult my age reminds me I am. All wrapped in dramatic writing. Fun.

3. Lemon bars are powerful.

~I hope this helped you. In either trying a new parenting technique or trying a new pastry. Both are worth it.

by Alexis -

mutti

13871707196.jpg

Mom,

These next few posts are for you. I could thank you for the millions of ways you were the greatest mom. But for today: I wanted to thank you for growing me up showing what fierce love looks like.

Today in women’s group we were asked to share one special memory with our mom we had growing up. I instantly had one that is at the core of who I am thanks to you.

For my turn, I proudly shared that my memory was a continuous action of love showed by you. Growing up, when I had bad/scary/spiritual dreams, you were ALWAYS there. Showing me your love and fierce protection. You not only settled my fears but showed me how to pray and taught me how much God would never leave me-showed through you. I constantly remember, in all the different houses we lived in, falling asleep hearing you pray for me.

I remember you spending hours with me, in the wee hours, sacrificing your much needed rest and putting me first. Never complaining, telling me not to worry about it or telling me to go to bed. It is such a tender and special memory to me that influenced who I am and has bled into another generation-to Emma. Your example molded the way I parent and what it means to be there for Emma.

Because of you, Emma is the benefactor of what you sowed in me as a baby. ich liebe dich mutti!

by Alexis -

Getting over this morning

DSC_0150.JPG

I failed today. This morning I was trying to hurry my 3 yr old (which is an oxymoron) and to make a long drawn out story short- I lost my patience. I raised my voice. There were punishments for her attitude/choices which just made me feel more stressed.

And all for an appointment that NEVER HAPPENED! If I had taken the 10 seconds it takes to check my phone I would have seen the text. But no, I hurried my Emma to church, which she started to cry as I dropped her off. That never happens. Usually she never looks back to say bye. Hard morning.

I drove to this appointment (which, again, had been canceled- argh!) feeling horrible. And as I was talking to God about it all, I was realizing that I was justifying my actions because of her attitude and choices. How mature. Let’s compare ourselves to a pre-schooler!

I then asked myself why I was feeling horrible, and I realized that my actions this morning was not out of love, but out of frustration, impatience and stress. I did a lot of reacting. Not much thinking. I actually felt a lot better after identifying my feelings and the action steps after was not too hard to come up with.

When I picked  Emma up (who hugged me so tight it hurt my heart), I took her to a quiet secluded place and recounted this morning to her. I told her I was sorry for yelling and my attitude was not good. I said that Jesus and I talked and I apologized to her. She smiled and said she forgave me. Then we kissed and hugged.

We also have snuggled a lot today. Both of us wanting to heal the hurt that was this morning.

So that’s how I’m doing today. You?