Well, the east wind in the Columbian Gorge is here. Last night I was laying in bed hearing the wind howl outside and I had this overwhelminig feeling of thankfulness. I was/am so thankful that although it was freezing outside, I was able to burrow under our warm blankets. But I also have this part of me thhat feels guilty. I know there are many people who are in the greater Portland metro who are outside and cold. I have this thought that I shouldn’t be able to be warm when there are people outside who need warmth too in the cold winter months.
I was thinking about this and I heard God talk to me about how He gave me a warm home with blankets. He talked to my guilty feelings and told me He wanted to protect me from the bitter cold. I realize I focus on others as a diversion and don’t look to why I feel the way I feel. So instead of talking to me about people in Portland, He talked to me about why I was feeling guilty.
It’s all about my self worth and how I view myself. I don’t fully like/love myslef and thus feel like I don’t deserve things He gives me. But I’m slowely getting healthy and growing. And I see the areas in growth when I talkk with God.
Thank you God, you are so patient with me. You see me so differently than how I see myself and I will continue to work to be at a place were I can happily accept myself for who I am.