God has recently shown me areas where I desperately need His help and especially His healing hand. In a sick way, I feel real and normal. I guess I can express it in some ways like this:
Change will always come and sit with me and what I need to decide is how to respond. I can resist, be hurt or I can grapple with what needs to change in me and forge ahead.
In regards to my healing, Ripping off a band aid always stings…and I hate it when it stick to the hair on my arms. Ouch. Yet sometimes, air needs to dry it out.
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These areas in myself are always in my thoughts and I struggle with either pulling them too close and drowning in my own self inflicted pain OR push them away and live in denial. Not a good thing either. Many people at our church would call that a double bind. Damed if you do, damned if you don’t. Besides, having these areas of insecurity, hurt, ect. doesn’t allow me to give all of myself to the people God has called me to. The last thing I want to be is egocentric. So, which is the better for me… and also others?…kinda an obvious answer. I think it’s time I rip off bandages that, as a young child, I have camouflaged as part of my skin. The reality is that my wounds are in fact infecting my body and hurting those closest to me.
I am also writing this to give me some ‘umph’ to join a group we have at church. It’s called Tangled Relationships. I hope to enjoy it and have this help me in some well… relational areas. Duh. haha
I think this is why I so desire Spring. The time for new growth and breaking new ground.
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* If you don’t know me by now, you need to know I struggle with being way too compartmental. Had to say that before switching subjects so quickly from something deep and emotional for me to something seemingly shallow.
March 3rd was National Peanut Butter Lover’s Day. I LOVE peanut butter (thank goodness they have it in Krakow!! Woot woot!) and even though I didn’t celebrate it on it’s due day…I will be celebrating tomorrow. 🙂 By making tons of treats, PB&J for lunch also a Thai Peanut Chicken dish. 🙂 Pictures to follow, of course, and I also hope to draft a couple blogging friends to do it with me. We’ll see how it goes with such short notice.
Peace out my peeps!
