In the past few days I have had women open up and express how they’re feeling about themselves, their family and relationships overall and I am SO encouraged and deeply grateful to each of them.
As we talked, none of us had answers for each other. We listened and sat. The level of depth and vulnerability was touching. Different women. Different hang out times.
It is like that moment when you walk outside in the snow and everything is silent with so much beauty around and you feel like if you speak then it will break.
It’s times like these I need to remember. It is so easy for me to feel isolated and frustrated. But when I open my eyes and reread posts like these, it reminds me that God is moving in the hearts of the women friends around me and we’re trying our best to share in it together. We might not be all at the same pace, but we’re kinda patient. Loving it.
I’m now needing to push myself to read my book for book club. Really excited to get together with the ladies. I think I’m only on….maybe chapter 3? I have about a month. I can do it.
The sun is shinning. Love it. Miss it. Praying for Spring to start. Maybe it has but the temperature sure hasn’t risen. Boo.
But for these 2 min in a day when the sun is bright I’m thankful. 🙂
My darling baby girl is turning 3 Saturday. Belle Princess party. Pictures? Oh definitely.
This is my spot of internet right? Like my own little place I can say a few ideas or opinions.
Well, I have noticed today that as I hurried to fill our half deflated tire and get our oil change which was over due and light flickering on, I’ve been in a bad mood. It’s not because it’s cold and raining here- I just layer more layers on. It’s familiar.
But rather I am allowing the interaction between the Jiffy Lube guy and me to taint my day. And even though it would be very easy and sadly familiar to blab on and on about how I’m justified in all this, I want to chose the high road.
I chose and am continuing to chose to change my day and attitude. That is the power I have.
I have been given little presents from God and my job is to find them. A couple I’ve found already:
* A prefect husband for me and a daughter who is the most adorable and cherished little girl you will ever meet.
*A white chocolate mocha WITH whipped cream.
*A Cinderella princess dress for only 5.99 at Ross
* A safe home.
*Clothes that keep me warm. Including shoes
* food for a menu
Thanks God for neverending to show me your goodness. Sometimes it is so easy to feel overwhelmed by all I ‘need’ to do. I am so grateful you will always be with me. I like being around you most of all.
I had a hard week last week. Nothing happened. No horrible meeting or hurtful conversation. It was more a dialog and feelings inside myself that tarnished the week.
I mentioned in earlier posts that I go to a womens bible study group and really like it. I am really glad I am apart of it and look forward to it every week. Last Thursday was different. I came looking to see the same women I have grown to love, but ended up feeling emotionally disconnected from them. It was odd to me and I decided to clam up and listen. Which is just me pulling away. Very mature huh…I felt more validated because I was more and more annoyed by, what I felt was ‘shallow talk’.
The women weren’t meaning to go in circles and not go very deep, and I really want to show them in a right light. However, in the place I was then, I was just frustrated and felt like I couldn’t relate with any of them.
I ended up not contributing to the dialog in the group. Which I usually have something to say about anything. We all have opinions- I voice mine. Or try to at least.
I came this week trying to come without expectations or hesitations. And for the most part I did well in that. The group went well, I gave some vulnerable thoughts, others opened up, some challenged and contributed too. I left feeling like it was a productive and worth while morning.
The thing is this: God challenged me in my thinking. He asked me, was today a productive/possitive day because you contributed to the discussion? Do you always have to be heard and validated by others to make you feel good? (speaking to my insecurity)
It was a surprise and I thought about it. The truth is, I think, the people who needed to talk, talked last week at womens group. I cannot base the rest of my day on feelings/emotions. Yes they happend and should be talked through with God, but I allowed the awkward group time to alter the rest of my week, making me more shy and pulling the vulnerability back. Which I am so working on.
That’s all I guess. This post is more for me than you. It helps to write out as I process. So, I guess you get another glimps into my mind/emotions/walk with God.
Random things for a Friday
**Wish I was her friend
**So incredibly HAPPY Emma and I can spend girl time with these lovely ladies
**Has no energy today and wishes I had one of these planned for today
**Has something cooked up in my mind that has to do with this
**Sitting in a silent home and seriously thankful for it
**Planted some herb pots and tall grass for out balcony, looks perdy 😉
**Yesterday was my birthday. I was a mix of emotions all day and cried at a thoughtful post on my facebook page. I’m becoming a crier and I’m loving it.
**Watching construction outside our window and realized the workers are done for the day and it’s 3:30- really? Nice work day!
**Wishes I could visit my friend who lives here, bet you do too
**And if only I had her sense of style, I wouldn’t be lost in the mornings when I get ready.
**Even though I potted plants and herbs I have mixed feelings. I feel excited to cook with them but in the back of my mind I know I have a problem with picking leaves off plants (they’ll die right?!)
**Going here tonight with Trav to pick out one more SMALL piece of furniture…going to squeeze a couple fake plants into the purchase for our living room.
**Today, Emma had a 20 minute meltdown in Fred Meyer’s in the check out line (in which a lady was being “oh baby, what’s the matter? You want something? Awww” *roll of my eyes, forget it lady), in the parking lot found out a tire was practically flat, was late to a party and had to listen to ‘Ten Little Monkey’s’ just for for 5 min of calmness in the car. You’re jealous I know. Don’t deny it.
**When will pumpkins be on sale?! Enough gripping people- Costumes are on racks, leaves are falling and there’s a chill in the air- summer is over.