Rejection on a tram

This post is more for myself to look back in 6 months. Hopefully by then progress will have happened to make read this, smile and thank God I’ve grown.

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I was sitting on the tram today coming back from a doctors appointment for my middle child. The tram was packed with college students heading my same way to the satellite University campus that’s right by us. A pair of girlfriends caught my eye standing off to my left. They were looking at people, whispering then giggling at each other. I instantly assessed what I was wearing, how I must have looked, did I look American?, was my child behaving, etc. And then it hit me. Who cares?!

I live in a city that’s large enough that I probably won’t see them again. And although that comforted me, the thought came: ‘What if they are making fun of you?! Why is it bothering you so much?!’

I had to answer myself, ‘Um, because I don’t want to be…rejected…by strangers on a tram. Yeah. OK point made.’

Ugh. I have a whole lot of growing up to do…

I couldn’t believe I was giving them power over my thoughts. Second guessing how I was standing, my clothes and even my child?! I felt like I was back in 2nd or 3rd grade at a new school just wanting others to accept me. The good thing out of this is that not only was I aware of my crazy thinking, but I was able to actively work against the fear and find my acceptance in God. I can remember hearing that growing up and not having a clue as to what it meant. As an adult, I find comfort in knowing that if He likes and loves me then that’s enough. I accept the fact that not everyone will like or accept me. I don’t like everyone. Why should everyone like me?

 

Anyways, I ended the tram ride and walked home thanking God for this insight. Personally, it’s too easy for me to go about my life and think I’m in ‘a good place’. When really I’m walking around wounded and need healing, but I’m too busy and prideful to stop my life and look inside at who I am and where I am in my journey with Jesus.

When was the last time you stopped and assessed where you are inside? Who you are as of November 2014? Do you like what you see in the mirror? What do you hear when you’re left to your thoughts?

Wishing for something better

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I took a rainy walk with the girls today. Partly to loosen up my attitude and rediscover that jumping in puddles with kids is healing. The second reason was I needed to walk off a couple pieces of pumpkin pie I gave into last weekend. As we walked and twirled umbrellas (because that’s what girls do with umbrellas) I naturally looked at the houses we walked past. 

Some were cute and you could tell the owners were putting effort in the yard. Other owners were allowing spring to do it’s thing and make a muddy mess of flower beds. Now a little secret about myself is that I always, and I mean ALWAYS, ask myself  ‘what could I do to make it prettier?’ Don’t know where that compulsion came from and sometimes it’s down right annoying, but today I was unconsciously playing this game, when I suddenly felt sad. 

Say what? I was thrown off guard. Here I was supposed to be having a nice bonding time with my girls in the rain and I’m overcome with my own issues? Awesome. Thankfully Emma was in her own little world so I felt free to dive deeper into mine. 

As I recognized my sadness, I realized it was caused by a familiar reason. The American dream I had dreamt about growing up as a girl. Looking at houses always does this to me and you think I would’ve learnt by now. Oh well. No, growing up I didn’t dream about a white picked fence with 2.5 children. But I still got excited about having a house. Decorating my front door with carved pumpkins by my kiddos. Family. Waiting for them to get off their yellow school buses. Taking them to school and helping out in their classrooms and embarrassing them by being the loudest one rooting them on at their games/performances. Decorating the outside of our house with Christmas lights. Beautiful sparkly ones with our tree in the window making people drive a little slower to look at it all. Having a backyard with a garden. Oh a garden. Where I could plant things, kill things, make things grow and just get my hands dirty. And possibly a tree house.

Oh then there’s high school. Ah the memories I looked forward to making then. Putting the stickers in our front windows showing our pride for their school. The day we taught our kids how to drive with our car. Tears, fear and shock that they actually fit behind the steering wheel and being forced to come to grips that they’re not 5 anymore. Embarrassing them by taking homecoming  pictures in front of our fireplace and more pictures as they got their flowers by their shy date. And graduation. Everything graduation entails. Savoring it like the last drink to the sweetest best tasting wine. Gone forever. 

So there I was realizing that I wasn’t going to be able to experience all those things as I had hoped. Yes, I could still do some by morphing them a bit. And you better believe I will. *chuckle* But it’s just not what I had in mind. Moving to Poland will be the start of everything new. But that also means the end to everything else. Morning the loss of some dreams that aren’t as important as what He dreams for me. And I think that as the time moves closer to us saying goodbye to this beautiful place/friends, feeling sad is just part of the whole package. 

I mainly wrote this for many of you have asked how we are doing with the whole idea of us moving. It’s just a glimps into different things I’m having to process through. Day by day. 

Visiting Poland for New Years!

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We’re leaving to visit some friends in Poland for New years and I’m so excited!!

 It all happened really fast and I’ve been freaking out ever since. Lots of details to take care of…and just so you know- I HATE details. there. But when I first found out we were going I couldn’t sleep till 3am I was so excited! So yeah, the good far exceeds the stress. Emma’s even been learning a lot more words to use with our friends. 🙂

But I wanted to give you a heads up. I will do my best to blog on all the things we do, see and taste. And the best part- the people! 

 I’ll leave you with a picture we see a lot. It’s the drive between Nowy Targ (where we’ll be staying with our friends) and Krakow. It’s BEAUTIFUL countryside. 

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PAPA! (bye bye!)

What’s in Emma’s carry on for the plane ride when you go to Poland?

We’ve had a lot of practice packing for trips and have had quite a few of you ask about any tips so I thought I would post some here, for future use or whatever. 🙂

I will first talk about packing for Emma, for a 12 hr flight to Poland. It can be very frightening for a parent to think about having their kid in a closed up metal tube in the air and expected to be quiet. It can really be scary to a kid!

I feel that expectation totally when I walk down the isle with Emma and everyone already sitting is looking at me thinking, ‘please don’t sit here!’ Oh, yeah. Feeling the love. not.

So here is a small portion of my survival kit as a parent Emma’s carry on suitcase.

17826068939.jpgTop left: Princesses, Hair kit, Strawberry Shortcake and play food.

Here are the new toys that I bought for $9 at the dollar store.

17826055208.jpgPrincess books, Dora activity/coloring pad, stickers, Animal Crackers, Sparkle Goo, Kit for Dora Bracelet and some Cheese Straws.

What isn’t shown here are some awesome toys she’s getting from family for Christmas. 🙂 She’ll bring some Princess Disney Dolls,  more Disney books, Lotion, Chap stick, Markers, favorite blanket and her own water bottle.

Travis is also bringing his lap top and I’ll have my pad so hopefully with all this and hopefully sleep!!!! we’ll make the 12 hr flight without any horror stories.

It is good to be over prepared than under! Remember the flight HOME!!! It is easily forgotten. I’m stashing some books and an activity for the flight back to the states.

Am I hoping too much dear reader when I say I’m hoping for all three of us to sleep?! We’ve made this flight before a couple times…but not with a 3 1/2 yr old! Yikes! I will also tell you I am not above giving my daughter or myself over the counter herbal sleeping agents. Melatonin. 

Wanna hear something crazy? Last time we went to Poland Emma built up an immunity to it! In like 1 day! So, FOR A WEEK, I was up with her at 2-5am trying to get her to sleep. Torture. Yes, I would appreciate your prayers, they go a long way. 🙂

Day 11: something blue

I have decided to join some other bloggers to do a 30 day challenge. We are following a fun list of things to take a picture of every day for a month. It would be awesome to have you join in on the fun! Just let me know so I can follow ya. 🙂

Day 11: something blue

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This is a picture of my first visit to ANY IKEA! *happy day!*

It was in Krakow, Poland- how perfect is that?!

I had no idea what to expect and was blown away by the amount of stuff they have. All beautiful, but a little overwhelming too for a ‘first timer’

This is also THE IKEA we will be furnishing most of our new home with in Poland.

placki z jablkami : Polish Apple Pancakes

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This next Polish recipe is from our friends who stayed with us for a while. ( Hi guys!)

This is super great and simple too. I think the thing that took the longest was peeling the apples. I used this recipe for the cake batter and placed apple slices in the pan.

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 I added cinnamon to add just a bit more flavor. But next time I’m going to sprinkle them with powdered sugar first. Didn’t have a chance this time- they were all eaten too fast. 🙂

Hope you make them!

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Keeping the delicates inside

I have had enough experience with water logged plants. And with the recent amounts of rain, I decided to bring in my delicate flowers/herbs inside. I have a great window that gets morning and afternoon light so, now they have a new temporary home.

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Emma is learning how plants grow from seeds and is getting a chance to see them grow first hand. I love seeing her slowly understand and show daddy what she’s learned each day.

baby snapsThe first time I visited Poland, I saw how most Poles have plants in their window sills. Totally fell in love with that. One thing Trav and I look forward to is having or making a green/sun room. In a perfect world it would be where we eat breakfast. But if all we get is a window sill, we will happily place lots of plants/herbs on the sill to enjoy.

beauty capturedThis is my strawberry plant, which I am slowly killing. If you can see the edges of the leaves they are dry and krinkled. I am limiting the sun now but I’m mostly praying it sticks through. Any tips? More water? Less/more sun?

This last picture is of Travis helping Emma learn her shapes.

learnning shapes

Reasons I love this picture:

1. Emma’s polka dot shirt rocks. Impossible to see her and not melt.

2. Love seeing them work on a project together.

3. Discovery toys are the best. Hands down.

4. Um, SHADOWS! That means there is a sun behind me! Blessed sun! Thank you God for bringing the brightness.

~ What do you think of the new blog layout?