This post is more for myself to look back in 6 months. Hopefully by then progress will have happened to make read this, smile and thank God I’ve grown.
I was sitting on the tram today coming back from a doctors appointment for my middle child. The tram was packed with college students heading my same way to the satellite University campus that’s right by us. A pair of girlfriends caught my eye standing off to my left. They were looking at people, whispering then giggling at each other. I instantly assessed what I was wearing, how I must have looked, did I look American?, was my child behaving, etc. And then it hit me. Who cares?!
I live in a city that’s large enough that I probably won’t see them again. And although that comforted me, the thought came: ‘What if they are making fun of you?! Why is it bothering you so much?!’
I had to answer myself, ‘Um, because I don’t want to be…rejected…by strangers on a tram. Yeah. OK point made.’
Ugh. I have a whole lot of growing up to do…
I couldn’t believe I was giving them power over my thoughts. Second guessing how I was standing, my clothes and even my child?! I felt like I was back in 2nd or 3rd grade at a new school just wanting others to accept me. The good thing out of this is that not only was I aware of my crazy thinking, but I was able to actively work against the fear and find my acceptance in God. I can remember hearing that growing up and not having a clue as to what it meant. As an adult, I find comfort in knowing that if He likes and loves me then that’s enough. I accept the fact that not everyone will like or accept me. I don’t like everyone. Why should everyone like me?
Anyways, I ended the tram ride and walked home thanking God for this insight. Personally, it’s too easy for me to go about my life and think I’m in ‘a good place’. When really I’m walking around wounded and need healing, but I’m too busy and prideful to stop my life and look inside at who I am and where I am in my journey with Jesus.
When was the last time you stopped and assessed where you are inside? Who you are as of November 2014? Do you like what you see in the mirror? What do you hear when you’re left to your thoughts?