Hair cut

Thinking about getting my hair cut after the baby is born…if I can hold out that long. ūüôā I was thinking of something like this. What do you think?

I wish I had your life…well sometimes…well based off your blog I do….

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Do you follow any blogs that make you yearn for things that you just know isn’t ‘in the deck of cards’ for your life? I was following maybe 10 blogs that were all SAHM (Stay At Home Moms) that had pretty much the American dream. They made their children cute matching aprons, made great meals, looked cute,¬†apparently¬†had great marriages, took beautiful pictures, lived in a comfortable house, had tons of friends, had extra money to spend on stupid things, decorated their house adorably and eventually became well known bloggers.¬†

However, the more I followed them the more mundane and …well…I started to read/hear, ‘blah, blah, blah,blah, blah’. Because really, I don’t want to just hear about how many errands they ran, or how many shots their kid made at their last game or where they got their newly thrifted shoes. (because HELLO-we live in different states) Yes, their recipes were nice, but besides that..there wasn’t much there. Meaning, something you could really sink your teeth into and feel like, ‘yeah! I know where she’s coming from’ or ‘I’ve been there’. I mean, really, DIY blogs will only get me so far before they all sorta blend together.

(that’s why I deleted my Pinterest account. *gasp* lol)

So I did a little Google reader cleaning. I said good bye to many blogs when I asked myself, ‘Why are you still reading this?!’ If I couldn’t find a good answer then DELETE.¬†

The biggest reason I said good bye¬†was because I found a part of myself holding back on the promises God gave ME for my life now and I started wanting their lives. I started to like their retro inspired old grandma goodwill paintings, ‘shabby chic’, rainbows, starfish and chevron patterns. Nothing wrong with any of them, but it’s not me. I began to want to live in southern California. (say what?! That isn’t like me at all) and other weird things that I could feel myself gravitating towards that isn’t who I am. I began to desire the ‘cushy’ life. I went just a few degrees off my target and found myself miles from where I should be. So easy to get distracted huh.

Well, I still like silly mindless subjects which will definitely cross paths with this blog, but hopefully, so will a little bit more. The stuff you can sink your teeth into. 

Proud mama…finally!

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It is with mixed emotions that I can say today is the first time I felt really proud to be pregnant with #2.

‘Say what?!’ You might say. ‘You’ve been begging God for another baby for YEARS and you’re just now feeling proud to be prego?!’

Yep, pretty much. It’s weird, but my emotions haven’t been all that stable and mix that with the fear of losing this baby (totally unfounded but there none the less) and you could say I’ve felt apprehensive this past months.

But there I was this morning, walking to Starbucks (don’t worry, doctor approved it) and I caught sight of my reflection in the window. There’s a bump there! Like as in, ‘you’re not pudgy anymore but I’m pretty sure you’re pregnant’ bump. And as people walked by on the street I became aware of how I used to feel seeing a prego mama and all the emotions that would hit me. Then a sudden wave of amazement hit even harder….I. Am. Pregnant.

Holy cow. Thank you Jesus.

I am sad it’s taken this long for the wave of excitement and…’proud-ness’ to be accepted by myself but I’m thankful it’s come.

I don’t want to live in the amount of fear I’ve been keeping hidden in me. As others would ask the typical questions I would say the normal answers. ‘I’m tired. ¬†‘I’ve not been feeling well.’ ¬†‘Just trying to not be overly active.’ ¬†All of which were true…but not deep.

I wouldn’t say how terrified I was if I chose to fully accept this pregnancy, I might be crushed if it went away. I didn’t know how I would handle that loss.

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I know that those feelings are ‘normal’. But should they be? Meaning, should we really accept this fear as normal instead of actively trying to give it over to God? I thought He said we didn’t have to live in fear. (sarcasm) Yes fear will come and probably in waves, but how will we face it?

Even though I am in the ‘safe zone’ and beginning to feel proud to be pregnant (holla!), it doesn’t negate the fact that I still deal with fear daily. I think the one thing that gives me comfort is knowing 100% that He made this little miracle and protected it when we new nothing of the danger we were putting it in. ¬†(by lifting heavy things, walking tons, etc.) I believe ¬†He’s kept this little one safe for a reason and no amount of fear or worrying will change what He wants to do with its life. And that takes a whole ¬†lota ¬†pressure off myself.

So in the future, as I’ll get obvious looks at my stomach, like today at the sandwich place, I will proudly wear fitted clothes to show off the miracle He is continuing to cover, protect and nurture.

Peace out friends. Oh and yes, prego pictures will be coming up soon. ūüôā