hard day today

Had a really hard day today. It seemed like there were ups and downs… but more downs than ups. Emotional. I feel myself wanting to raise that protective wall and not let things, people or emotions hurt me. As if they haven’t so far. They have to in order for me to want to put up that familiar wall.

I must say to family that I am well and so is Emma and Travis. I am just realizing some areas in my life that need serious TLC. The way my wounds are affecting others makes me sad, frustrated and over all out of control. Which is the truth but now I am just accepting it.

Denial is a beautiful thing until you see it’s wake.

I think this picture is a perfect example of how I’m feeling. It seems that my cargo of past wounds, patterns and roots of issues are now not allowing me to do what I am made to do.

Which I need to daily remember. I am called to encourage, smile, listen actively, love, challenge people, teach, speak out and be confident in my ability to hear God.

I would appreciate your prayers. Right now I’m about to leave for our college group and have dinner and a movie. We’ll see how long Emma lasts.

Chloe

I have a certain group of shirts (usually the new ones) that have mysterious holes on the front of them. This mystified me for longer than I would like to admit until one day I was sitting on the couch and up jumps Chloe, my domestic raccoon.

*side note: I always forget how old she is, but I love her and would spoil her rotten if I had the money.

So up she jumps on my lap jealous for my attention because I have the lap top on my lap and am obviously rejecting her. (or so she thinks in her twisted wonderful little mind of hers) She always tries to sit right on top of the lap top as if lightening will hit me and I will then give her full attention which is rightfully hers to command.

She comes up and stretches out over the entire lap top and begins needing my shirt! Oh and gets her sharp little claws caught on my newly bought shirt and yanks her paw away ripping a beautiful little hole! (It doesn’t help that they make women’s shirts so thin now- what’s with that?!)

‘She is the one!’ I think. ‘She did it! She ruined all my shirts and now forces me to layer in a certain ways where you don’t see the holes.’ *scowl at Chloe- like that will teach her.

So what do I do? Make a mental note and make sure she’s comfortable next to me and the lap top. I sure showed her who’s boss.

Pondering…

I was inspired, in many ways, today by the movie Julia and Julie. It invokes many questions about what I want my blog to be about. Mostly, it’s about food. And I wonder why. I’m not even a big eater. I’ve missed many meals (as my close friends can attest to) and I don’t like chocolate.

What do I want this blog to be about? Think Alexis, think…Pondering…silence…’come on Alexis’….rolling of my eyes…frustrated sighs….I’m not sure.

I find I have many passions in life. Food (kinda- I love how it looks), photography, Emma, traveling, jewelry, and even a random scrap booking phase that will come and go in a week. I love to read mostly though. I’m a little bit of a nerd that way but what do I write about? Books I’m reading? I typically go through a book in a day, so it would be pretty pointless unless I would write a review…in which case I am not qualified to do. *sigh But blogs aren’t about qualifying either, it’s about my thoughts…

I originally, and still do, want to keep a blog going for our friends and family to be able to keep up with how we are doing , see different stages in Emma and feel like in a small way they are the fly on the wall everyone wants to be sometimes. (wow that was a long sentence)

OK, well as great as all the above thinking is…what am I going to do? The question still hasn’t been answered. What will this blog be about?! *sigh I don’t want this to be shallow. That’s the biggest concern for me. And up till now it has maintained just that…….

I don’t think I will get an answer right here and now. I’m afraid I have to walk this out and gage day by day what I am feeling (which is hard for me to do!) and be bold. So hard to do!

Let’s see how it goes! ….Emma gives you a hug by the way. 🙂

Tuesday’s thoughts

Don’t you keep gourds on your books in the kitchen? Thought so, me too. It makes me feel like I have food readily available although I will never use this gourd. It’s too old. Can’t imagine it actually tasting good. So I’ll keep it on top of my cook books making me feel inspired when I look at it.

I was out yesterday picking up Trav from Max and noticed a beautiful shrub. I love shrubs. Weird name though, wonder where it comes from. They are beautiful all year and make a yard feel full. Some,  I grant you, should be extinct. But most are nice. I took a picture of it and a pretty plum colored blossom it was producing.

We are traveling to Seattle tomorrow dropping off Emma to Oma’s and then Thursday to Baldwin, Michigan. Really looking forward to it. Up until recently, I haven’t let myself be excited about it because it was in the future. But now it’s in a couple days and…it should be great.

I’ve been having dizzy spells a lot more than normal…I would appreciate your prayers on that. Not only is it annoying but makes me worried a bit. Have a great week and I’ll talk to you next week, when we get back!

Sunday

The past few days have run on like a blur. I know I’ve done things with people, cleaned the house and even made food…but my mind seems so distracted that I’m glad I documented what I did this past weekend! It was beautiful and sunny.

I’ve recently noticed in myself how affected by the weather I am. I have a lot more energy and feel more go-getter-ish than on say a lazy cloudy day. I think between the two I would prefer a cloudy day to a sunnier one. But I’ve been warned by the elderly that as my age increases so will my desire for the sun. I have yet to see that happen, although I’ve already spent how long on this post about the sun and how it affects my mood for the better? Hmmm….carrying on….

Trav, Emma and I went for a walk on a local bike path and it was heavenly! It was great spending just family time together, people were more friendly saying ‘morning’ as we walked past each other and we had a chance to talk about whatever and not feel rushed because of a meeting to go to.

I think it was in the 70’s! *sigh so nice…(but I still like cloudy days. lol I am forever loyal to overcast days and drizzle. I think it’s the romantic whispy feel it brings with it. Snuggling with my cats…fire on…and I’m a sucker for books, blankets and hot drinks. Sorry for the de-railment of subjects)

As we were getting ready Emma HAD to choose her shoes (which is a morning ritual) and she rutinly picks out these blazing beauties. My mom got them for Emma at Target and she wears them everywhere. To bed even. And when I get her out of her bed, I find her trying to put them on/off herself- which she can’t do but it’s fun to see her get frustrated trying to do it alone. I’m mean sometimes.

You know those annoying people who say, ‘OK, now one the count of three! Ready? OK, now one, Oh shoot..OK try again, one, two THREE!’ and they seem to yell it without any effort at all and embarrass you those around you? I am that person. Here we were on the trail and I humiliated them both. But they don’t look too devastated.

I’m being nice and not blowing this bad boy up to a close up of our faces. Let’s just say it was hot, I was out of breadth and Trav was pushing the stroller at the same time- action picture!

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Later that day we had small group at our house and I was busy making food for it. God bless Potluck themed get togethers…they make my day so much easier. I made (as you see with the picture below) Bacon and cheese JoJo’s (which rocked) a fruit plate (didn’t get to take a photo of that but it was pretty) and some individual cakes for each person.

Don’t ask me why I didn’t take pictures of the dessert…I told you in the beginning I’m not thinking clearly these days. (that’s my excuse and I’m stickin’ to it)

I made a dip for them too, shown below. Picture shows ingredients. And for those of you who don’t like sour cream (*wink, I know who you are) There was BBQ sauce. Because really, BBQ sauce is FAR better than ketchup and should, in my friend Theron’s opinion, become the new condiment leaving ketchup in the dust. I would vote for that.

We had a great time and lounged on our deck (which I struggled in vain to make it cute…but really how cute can you get when you have painting materials lying around because they’re painting the whole neighborhood?!) None the less, good friends are those that look besides the ugly patched up siding and and drop cloths on bushes and hang with you because it’s a beautiful night and we want to spend time with each other talking. No better reason I think. Good friends are soothing to my soul and last night was wonderful. Everyone laughing, talking about personal struggles and being there to listen and sympathize.

Well, right now Monday afternoon, Emma’s napping and when she wakes we’re going to the library to find some murder mysteries and poetry..and maybe even a Barney book. 😉

P.S. I’m trying this new theme out and we’ll see if it sticks. Sorry about the stretching of the photos, I’m trying to fix it.

today

My mom visited for about a week. It was a lot of fun. I mentioned in prior posts that we tackled cleaning/organizing projects and I am still SO grateful for all the work she gave. Thanks mom!

We’re both snackers and took a break from dust, trash and cleaning to eat a special snack tray. I’m not sure how you grew up but snack trays go back in my family. Pretty isn’t it. 🙂

Right now Emma is watching Wiggles and is entranced. 🙂 Cute.

I got this purse from my mom and event hough she doesn’t really like it (understatment) I am really happy with it.

Emma decided to color her lips, thinking it was lip gloss. 🙂

emma’s 2nd birthday!

OK, I have a bit while Emma sleeps to post in pictures how my last week went. It was Emma’s 2nd Birthday and it was fun! I was also in the Easter program. I think the link for that is HERE. While my mom was here we did some fun things and hung around the house too. We tackled some overwhelming projects like cleaning out Emma’s AND my closet AND she started to organize our garage! It was a huge help.

Well, I hope you like the pictures!

This mommy and baby bunny was from Grandpa and Granma Gigi. She loved it and snuggled with it all day. 🙂

****************BIRTHDAY PARTY TIME!!!*********************************************************

The cake was an ice cream cake (cookie dough) with cake inside too! It was wonderful! It also helped that it was completely ADORABLE!

She got a little tired blowing out the candles. Mommy helped 🙂

This is super cool! It’s disney princess Belle and when she gets wet she changes color! Pretty cool!

My little Emma getting tired from all the excitement and people at her house.

end with emma and her man. 😉

Update, Yes right now?- no

Yes, I know I need to update this blog. 🙂 There has been a lot going on this past week and I hopefully will have time to put it down here soon.

On other news, I have been constantly thinking about the plane crash that was holding Polish officials, family members and important historical individuals. My heart goes out to Poland and all who are trying to understand and accept what happened recently. I am praying for you.

Post Easter

Crazy is a good word to describe this past weekend. Or maybe hectic. I was in the program and loved it- all 5 services. I love being around people who focus on others and use their creative artistic gifts to reach out and be ambassadors for God. if I get a link to the service, I’ll link it as soon as I get it.

After the last service, it was a little after 3pm. So I came home, changed and the Mielonen clan went to a friends house to have an Easter dinner. Amy, thank you so much for hosting us! Emma loved having the easter egg hunt and playing with Rylee was a highlight of her day. For me a highlight was being able to open Emma’s birthday present! Those squeaker shoes are PERFECT! Love, love them. Emma will have to blog about them soon. 😉

Anyhoo, we came home with blessed left overs. They had AMAZING food. (I forgot my memory card so no pictures 🙁 ) Like ribs, veggies, cheese fondue and homemade bread sticks for appetizers! And they had ham, lamb, mashed potatoes, salad, fruit salad,HOMEMADE croissants, pasta salad…and I know I’m forgetting things. Dessert was easter cookies (so yummy!), fruit filled crepes and a red velvet cake. Oh man, I think I gained 5lbs. I was stuffed when I left! 🙂

And here comes my favorite thing…ready for it?! I’m such a girl…who loves my starches!

I had 2 for lunch today. With a lot of butter. My world is more well rounded now. As is my stomach. hehe

I have things I have to do today…but if it were up to me, this is what I would be. My sweet Janek. In front of the fire, lounging and no cares in the world. *sigh Is it ok to live vicariously through your cat? Sounds a little unhealthy. Hmmm….