No laughter in this post…

I have been having nightmares. Only it’s during the day and the images I’m seeing I’ve seen in a movie. About 7 months ago a couple friends shared at our college group about social injustice and the need for people to stand and come against this system. Wonderful night full of statistics, scriptures and pictures. I tend to be a VERY visual person, so when the pictures came up of abused children, remember that I’m 9 months pregnant and feeling very motherly, I tried very hard to separate myself from an overwhelming flood of emotions. I was trying to keep it together throughout the night, and was doing okay. That is, until they showed a clip from a movie. I will not go into it because it was very…aggressively offensive. And PLEASE hear me now- I have no ill feelings towards these friends of mine. I know they wanted to shock us into the reality of what the world is truly like outside of our Starbucks and church life. Only it was SO gruesome and showed 3 year old girls in brothels being prostituted and I lost it inside. I shut my eyes but my ears were still working unfortunately and thank goodness it was in a different language, however the overall evil-ness was portrayed even though I don’t speak whatever Eastern country it was.
So as I said above- I’ve been having nightmares, only during the day and the images are from a movie I saw. Only a short clip really, yet 10 sec. would have been enough. Okay so to continue, the following months after seeing this I had a baby girl. She is, as you’ve seen in past posts, the most precious girl I’ve ever seen and so happy. My life thus revolved around her needs and whims. It was bliss. It all stopped when those images began to come to the surface, rear it’s nasty little head at me and snarl. And as I have seen those…actors really of the 3 year olds, I have not only harbored hate towards the people who abuse these Innocent children/women, I have protected this new found emotion with apathy. I told a friend yesterday over coffee that I don’t care if I go to heaven with this hate and the last thing these people deserve is Jesus. For the first time I know what it’s like to hate and I feel it’s completely justified. The abusers know what they’re doing and thus deserve no mercy. I want them to face a death so gruesome and horrible…then go to hell where they will be tortured even more. *breath in and out Alexis…..
Now that you are up to date on the past few months with me, I must tell you about my last night. We went to church and heard our old pastor talk about bitterness and how the enemy will shock you with something and then plant the fast growing weed called bitterness. It was wonderful and was even able to hear the majority of the sermon before being paged that Emma needed me. I told God that He can have my hate, but I didn’t know what I should do then. I heard Him tell me to be active in this. So last night I went on the Internet and found a website that fights child trafficking and child/women prostitution.
The depression which had been over me began to lift as I saw myself as a fighter rather than a hater.
God,
Please remind me to give you the anger and rage when these feelings begin to rise in me. I love you and even though I still don’t think those people deserve You…You’re ways are not my ways nor Your thoughts my thoughts. I love you and pray that you help me heal this wound. Amen.

Off to Grandma’s house we go!

This past weekend our family (holy crap I have my own family!) went to Port Angeles to visit my Oma and Opa, it was his 84th birthday. They had not seen Emma either so it was a double treat.
Wow were there were times when I watched my family interact and saw it as crazy-ness.
Whoever had either the loudest voice or strongest opinion was the one whom everyone listened to. There was not such a thing as a quiet moment this past weekend. My Oma made all my favorite dishes and I ate like a horse; the bad thing is that I watched her make all the food so now I can make them myself! I would love to make dinner for whomever and use them as my ‘Ginny pig taster’…:)
Even though it took a little more than 5 hours to get there, the mattress kept leaking air and Emma had a hard time relaxing, we had a blast! As we were leaving I was ‘helping’ Travis put things in the car and Trav made the observation, “You just sounded like your Oma!” and I smiled and said ‘thank you’.
I’m not sure it was a compliment though…
As we pulled into our garage Trav and I breathed a sigh- there is nothing like coming home.
And because I didn’t have to make one meal, clean one plate or even change all of Emma’s diapers- today I cleaned the house from top to bottom. It’s amazing how recharged I feel.
Tonight’s agenda?- watch P.S. I Love You and eat left overs my Oma sent back with us.

…..And roast marsh mellows over candles 🙂 Nothing beats smores. …well perhaps chocolate fondue.

A little fun writing for my mom…

Quinn,
Greetings from Bataglia! The people here are kind, accepting and are in great need of encouragement.I will do my best, but as we both know- that will not be enough. This town needs better defenses and warriors who will stand up against the evil with which they war against.
For such a beautiful place, it is amazing to think of how many wars have been fought on this ground. I can almost see the tint of red in the soil…
It has always confused me to why the enemy makes their strongholds in the most beautiful of places. It reminds me of when Yeshua was tempted and was shown all the desirable lands.
Great everyone for me and take a stroll among the willows for me.

Through Him who Reigns,

Lexa

What is your favorite season?

Today, as I drove home from a friends house at 9:30 am, God gave me a glimpse of my favorite season. Autumn. For those of you who love the summer and aren’t happy with this seasons weather stop reading and look into a past post.

While driving home I put on the jazz station and heard it compete with the sounds of rain pattering on our sunroof. I even indulged myself in turning on the heated seats! In that moment I was able to truly believe it was fall. I wanted to go pick pumpkins, drink hot spiced cider or hot chai’s and write a short story. The snugly feeling that I’ve spoken of before was there and I wrapped myself in it tightly. It was so wonderful and I promised myself that I would blog about it.
What is your favorite season?

Yuck.

What a crappy day.

*I lost something that helps Emma eat well, but she’s wonderful and was flexible.

*I had to do errands on the computer, which decided to stop working for me and when I payed them they were more than we planned for.

*My grocery money is dwindling fast…and I haven’t gone shopping yet.

*I have a butt load of laundry to do- which is never something I look forward to.

* Emma is not wanting to sleep for the 3 hours she usually does, which was when I did my chores.

*I slept poorly and was hopeful to take a nap today- yeah right.

*I have dishes I have to do.

*And I’m fighting a sore throat.

This might sounds closer to whining, but man I need an outlet. What a crappy day. At least the weather is going well. Overcast and around 65 degrees-*sigh

What I need is a cozy blanket, preferably fleece, a hot spiced chai and a window to look out of and feel better. I think that is my weapon of choice when feeling this way. Oh well, I can at least do some of it today…after the grocery shopping, errands and cleaning.
I strive to do so much in my day and have fun in the process (which is the most important part) but it can feel exhausting at times.
Thank goodness for Sabbath’s (which in my case are Sunday’s), snuggly cats, spiced chai’s and warm blankets.

Peer Preasure

Yesterday I bought a couple of polkadot onsies and an adorable pair of pink tennis shoes for Emma- today she is being dedicated at church. I decided she would be wearing a hip new outfit and not a dress like everyone else. She has a fashionable reputation to uphold.
So today I’m around a friend of mine, and he said, “So do you have the perfect dress for her to wear tonight?” And I froze. I said I saw one I liked but it cost too much- which was true and the reason for her to wear a hip/cheaper outfit. Now typically, I am an opinionated person who declares my beliefs with a sturdy foundation. Example: I hate commercials on the radio. I listen to the radio for music-period. If I wanted a company’s opinion on why I should buy their product I would ask. I do not depend on commercials to get my money to stretch till the next pay check. Commercials are stupid and I hate them.
But you are also reading about a person who transferred money into her account, sorry Travis, and bought a dress for tonight. I… uh I mean she better get a lot of compliments tonight!

Dramatic Comedy

Do you ever feel like you relate to a TV character? Sure every girl, and lets face it- all women, relate to princesses. And all men relate to…He-man. 🙂 But today I felt like I was the sister of Dwight from The Office. Paranoid, up tight and acting like the whole world is out to get me.
Story time:
Our air conditioning broke yesterday, and just in time for the hot weather coming. Travis tried problem solving but to no avail. So we called our land lord and he sent a company to come and fix it. Sounds totally normal. Well, it was until I opened the door and I was face to face with a creepy version of Napoleon Dynamite. An uncanny look alike. I welcomed him in and while he went to his van to get his ‘tools’ I went to the kitchen and took a knife where it has stayed by my side. Lol, the funny thing is, is that he is still here and to my left hand is the serrated knife.
But you know what? I have watched enough news broadcasts and seen many people hurt, mugged or worse in their home! Well, I have a baby to protect and there is no way some guy is going to harm me or my little Emma. Lol. A little dramatic you say? That’s OK with me, it’s what my husband and friends like about me. 🙂 And believe me, there’s never a dull moment with a Mielonen around- promise.

Jenise will kill me if I don’t write this…

OK, so I am happy and a little surprised to realize that some of you regularly check my blog. One such person is Janise. This post is going out to you 🙂

I love to read. Period. Boring history books are interesting and I even don’t mind text books- I know, my husband has prayed over me. But for a fun mindless dreamy book my life will temporally pause. I have forgotten to go potty, eat and other regular daily functions. Well, today God has been kind and He guided me towards a book that a neighbors kids have. And there you have it- I absolutely love kid stories. And you know at first I used to be embarrassed at the level of writing…and how I prefer that to an adult book. But hey, I bet C. S. Lewis read children’s books…so there.
OK, so this book I just finished. I believe it’s technically a Pre-teen book and the title is; Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief.
Such a fun read! Even though I was able to guess the end and who the thief really is, I still found myself laughing out loud and getting excited for the main character- a sixth grader who has to save the world from the gods. It’s one of four I believe and I am going to the library tomorrow to get the second. (please God let it be in stock!)

I couldn’t help read this plot and think, ‘I wish I was the daughter of God…’
But then I was like, ‘What the crap- I am!’ As easy of a plot this book was, it allowed me to see myself in another light. I am the daughter of a God who does not war with other gods or has the characteristics of humans. Rather the opposite- we have all of His characteristics. This helps because of the ‘quest’ He has called me to- move to Poland with my family. And as scary as that sounds/feels I know that there is no going back. It will be these books that will show me that with absolute trust in my God and Lord- nothing can stand in my way.
I will need a collection of these when we move…I should start buying now.- eBay anyone?